pride

Pride. Something that will create a wall between you and the Lord that is so thick and tall, it's nearly impossible to tear down without His help. And for a long time, I didn't want Him to. I was comfortable living a life that was deeply rooted in pride and selfishness. I still am.

But, the Lord clearly calls us to live a life that is uncomfortable. Because following Him is not normal in the world we live in today. Until we truly grasp the concept of the cross, lay our burdens down, and submit to His will, the Lord has to fight against our comfortability, against the pride and selfishness that takes root in our hearts and hardens it towards His perfect plan.

Last semester, I slowly let the Lord break down the wall of pride and selfishness I had built around myself. I was in constant prayer that He would humble and break me so that He would be glorified in my weakness.

He did.
Literally.

4 and half months ago I broke my leg and had to have surgery to place a rod in it so it would heal properly. Never have I been so broken (excuse the overuse of this word). And never have I been so frustrated with the Lord and his will. I couldn't rely on myself anymore. I couldn't be prideful and not ask for help. I couldn't be in control (and I love to be in control). I couldn't be comfortable.

Over the past couple of months, I have learned what total dependence on the Lord looks like. I have learned that everyday I have to wake up and submit myself to His will (which I definitely don't always do). I have learned that only He has the power to rid me of my pride, my selfishness, and my desire to be comfortable. I have learned the beauty that is in weakness. And I need to be reminded of all of these things daily. Hourly even.


"You have said, 'Seek my face.' My heart says to you, 'Your face, Lord, do I seek.'" Psalm 27:8