Most of the time, I think I can live life on my own. That I can have all the control, and that every expectation and goal that I set will be met. I become disconnected from the Lord- distant because my stubborn, weak heart listens to lies from the world that I don't need him. That my faith and my life can somehow be separate. And so, I turn away from His outstretched hands and into the comfort of my flesh.
Yet in the quiet, He is there. Never letting up, constantly pursuing. Hands always outstretched. Patiently waiting, continually tugging on my heart.
Finally, when I am weary of the world and tired of trying to live out the selfish desires of my heart, I take His hands. And He ushers me into His perfect love and unending grace. Teaches me that I was designed to be dependent on Him, and that through that dependence comes the sweetest of surrenders. Breaks down my pride, my selfishness, my idleness, and my self-suffienciency. Shows me what true joy found only in Him is like, and the peace and contentment that stems from that joy. He takes my weaknesses and reveals the beauty in them. Most importantly, He loves me; with such an unconditional, deep, passionate, constant, reckless love. A love that never fails.
It amazes me how often I repeat the above cycle. How often I run from the Lord and then turn back to Him, only to run away again when I let my selfish, worldly desires take root deep in my heart. The Lord forgives and loves me every single second of every single day. That is incomprehensible to me. And something that I can never be thankful enough for.
In the darkness of control and comfortability, He shines bright. And I am reminded that there is no greater joy than wholeheartedly following the Lord. Than falling face down on the floor, surrendering to His will for my life. My fears and my worries are nothing compared to His surpassing peace and strength.
Thank you Lord for calling me out of the darkness of this world, with hands outstretched. Thank you for humbling, abounding grace and mercy. Thank you for precious reminders of Your faithfulness. Thank you for those simple conversations that lead me back to You. Thank you for a love that is unending.
Lord, help me live with reckless abandon. That I let everything go in order to know you more. Teach me the joy that comes from following you. Give me a heart that is consumed by you and not by this world.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."- Jeremiah 31:3
"In our abandonment we give ourselves over to God just as God gave Himself for us, without any calculation. The consequences of abandonment never enter into our outlook because our life is taken up with Him."- Oswald Chambers
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